Friday, March 14, 2008

Apparently it's Peanut Butter Jelly Time

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1639351

How'd they get the dress on the gerbil?

I am so glad Richard Gere's public kissing of Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty will no longer result in criminal charges. Now I can go back to worrying about global warming, the tribulations of Britney Spears and - oh, I can't kid any longer- Who gives a rat's ass?

You really cannot paint a nationality with one brush. I especially can't as I am about 8 nationalities. And pretty much every person I have ever met from India has just been the salt of the Earth. No nicer people will you ever meet. But when you call me on behalf of your American company could you please not tell me your name is Steve or Skip or Betty or Becky? And don't get pissed if I ask you to repeat what you just said 47 times. It just means I can't understand you because y'all don't talk English good. Actually most folks I have met from India have better command of the English language than most of us Americans, not just the redneck trailer-parkers who used to do all the telemarketing calls!

I'll make a deal with you. When I come to your country I won't talk louder if you don't understand me, I won't bemoan the lack of Red Lobsters or good pizza in India and above all I won't kiss any of your beautiful Bollywood actresses in public. Unless one kisses me first. Then it's on.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Jared's Magnificent Pants


Amounts of things that can fit in Jared's Pants:

Presidential candidates: 2

M&M's: 2,675,346

Baseballs: 965

Meatballs: 1834

Dr. Pepper: 53 gallons

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale...


Dawn Wells, Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island, was busted in Idaho for having some pot in her car the other day. Interestingly, Bob Denver was also popped for the hippie lettuce not long before he began his dirt nap. I'm sure Jim Backus may have enjoyed a nice fattie to get motivation to spoon Lovey. People involved with Gilligan's Island? Stoned? Now I know why they couldn't get off the island. They'd start off with a plan, toot some bud, then they forget what the hell they were doing. Skipper chases Gilligan, gets tangled up in the hammock and everyone eats coconut cookies. Mary Ann rides that bike that ran the radio and they have a grand old time, and the guest star leaves the island while the unfortunate seven are in their reefer-induced haze.

Could she look any sweeter in her mugshot? I'm surprised they didn't just let her go. She truly looks like a very nice lady. She would have to be; imagine all the jerks who must have made lewd remarks about what they would have done with her if they were on that island.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Spitzer's Career Is Down the Shitzer?



What's going on with Spitzer? I know he made some rich Republican enemies in the Stock Market, and maybe, just maybe there's a setup in there, but couldn't he have kept little Eliot in his Dockers while he was Guv of the Great Empire State? I know it gets cold in Albany, and from the looks of his wife she probably didn't keep him very toasty, but couldn't he have just used Government hookers? Truthfully, I had no idea who the Governor of the "I-Got-Your-State-Right-Here State" even was until this. And I can't help but wonder if he gave Chanel, Cinnamon or Chocolate (if he swings that way) a "Spitzer Spritzer," if you know what I mean!

Once you look past the bullet holes, malocclusions and cellulite it's all the same in the dark, especially on a cold Albany night. Now his political career is totally boned. And since he was a past atty general, he's hoisted on his own petard. I just hope his petard had a condom on it.

On a side note, he looks an awful lot like Bill Cowher, eh? At least like his hooker-chasing, good-tipping brother.

Friday, March 7, 2008

On the Bright Side, Some More Art


Here is another recent painting. I am not responsible for any convulsions or seizures it may cause.

Cheers,
T.

The Bitch Is Back

Hi All,

It has been forever since I have updated this thing. My apologies... I will try to update more often. That said, I have time to post now, as I am currently "between jobs." A sucky place to be, it's true, especially with 4 kids. But I am freelancing and am confident that something good will happen.

Thank God we, according to our President, are not in a recession. Maybe I can get a job designing rose-colored glasses.

And maybe someone can tell me why, when companies lay people off, they get rid of the ones that are actually doing work and keep the seatwarmers whose basic function seems to be to kiss the boss' ass and are about as smart as your average pull toy?

I mean that in a good way....

On the bright side I have FINALLY updated my website, www.deluzart.com. Check it out if you're really bored for some mediocre art.

Cheers,

T.