The Beautiful Fat People

Do you tend to pig out a bit during the holidays? Maybe you favor the quadruple-stuffed Oreo over the plain ordinary ones. Well, if you are one of the "lucky" few who has the privilege of being featured on BeautifulPeople.com, you just might have gotten your waddling papers. The site which claims to feature only the most aesthetically gifted singles on the Internet makes no apologies for squeezing out the "fatties" who are harmful to their business model. Let me stop here for a minute. I have a friend who was recently told by some soulless corporate douchebag that his business was a "bad business model." If he had said that to me he would have gotten to "bad buis-" before I would have been standing over him, exhorting him to get up, like Muhammad Ali over Sonny Liston. If there is one thing that makes this blogger's blood boil it is when some snotnose whose mummy and daddy paid handsomely for him to get his MBA from University of Phoenix uses terms from that online business class in which he got a "B," terms which he really doesn't understand. My friend, far more of a gentleman than I, patiently explained how he has been quite successful doing what he does for a long time, then enlightened this nimrod about that little thing called the economy, which has been in a toilet spiral for the last few years. Unless your business model is magically making money appear from people's noses, you're going to have a little fall off these days.

What may seem to be a digression actually leads to this simple fact. Running off some of your stable just because there's "more of them to love," then issuing a smug confirmation of this fact is not only bad business, it's business suicide. We all know and love someone who is carrying a few extra LB's. Some of the most important people in my life would be considered to be generously proportioned. Why, some of my readers may be considered "zaftig" in some circles. Robert Hintze, the founder of BeautifulPeople.com, makes no apologies for running off the recently super-sized folks who wasted their precious time joining this less-than-important website. We were all young and thin and good-looking once. Some of us still are. But I have never met a person who was a bad person because he or she was a little Rubenesque. I have, however, met people who were Brad Pitts on the outside and armpits on the inside! Incidentally, how many of you actually look like the photo you put on that dating site?


Fat people make this country go. They drive the buses, like Ralph Kramden. They dine in our restaurants, like Wimpy. They crush quarterbacks, like Albert Haynesworth. They are rabid consumers of every product, an ideal demographic. How do you think they got fat in the first place? All kidding aside, most of us will fight, and lose, the Battle of the Bulge. From the looks at the cheek flesh on his well-fed face, Mr. BeautifulPeople himself may likely find himself someday using a bicycle mirror to read a scale. Hopefully someone in his merry band of pleasant-looking nitwits will remind him that, as said in Proverbs, "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting."

It's time for Robert Hintze to do some damage control. Go into a Golden Corral. Hug the first chubby person you see. Realize before it's too late that the last thing we need less of is compassion. Bring back the big beautiful people. They need the Internet to find love too.