Friday, December 25, 2009

This is a Ho-Ho-Holdup!


Merry Christmas all-

You know times are tough out there when Santa Claus has to resort to bank robbery! The Sun Trust Bank on Old Hickory Boulevard in Nashville was knocked over by a 9mm-toting white-bearded gent wearing the requisite red suit and hat. Before they were able to say "jingle bells" this bad Santa rolled up on the teller window, threatening that if they put dye packs in the sack he would "come back and kill everyone." Why, he wasn't nearly as jolly as advertised. No wonder those elves produce toys at the North Pole with such great speed and efficiency; no one wants to piss off ol' St. Nick! He escaped in a grey Nissan Altima, possibly pulled by eight flying reindeer. He remains at large, though witnesses have sighted him at shopping malls and in front of supermarkets, ringing bells, hiding in plain sight.

Note to Nashville PD: If you can lay out for a trip to the North Pole, this may be the best time to nab Santa at his own crib. After the night he's probably had, he's probably gonna sleep for a week! But be careful- he sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake.

If you like creepy, skeevy Santas like some of those you've seen at various malls all over the country, then sketchysantas.com is the site for you.

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