What did I miss?

Dear Blog Is Not A Pretty Word Subscribers-

It has been a year and 5 months since my last "confession." I can't believe I haven't been moved to write about anything in that amount of time. To that end I'm freeing my blog from the glacier it's been in.

Hey Blog- first of all, a lot has gone down since you went into the witless protection program. We've elected our first African-American President. Childhood was celebrated with freak shows like Jon and Kate plus 8 and the Octomom. I would explain what those terms mean but at this point, who the Hell cares? Are you sitting down? Remember the Arizona Cardinals? They are the reigning NFC Champs, who came within 2:35 of winning the Super Bowl. That's right, the same Arizona Cardinals who always sucked so mightily all those years. Oh, and the Detroit Lions have won a couple games since you went underground. You missed their epic 0-16 season. Never before has losing been done so artfully.

Remember how tough it was to find Michael Jackson tickets? Well, as of June 25 this year, his tickets became impossible to get. He and his end-stage nose have joined the Heavenly Choir. But don't worry, you can keep up on what Tito, Marlon and Rebbie are doing by watching the Jacksons reality show on A & E. Not quite the same as the guy who gave 1500 Filipino prisoners something fun to do in the exercise yard.

You'll be glad I talked you out of investing the family hundreds with that nice Mr. Madoff. As it turns out, he's one of the Five People You'll Meet in Hell.

And speaking of screwing people, I know how you have enjoyed watching Tiger Woods demolish the competition. Well, he's doing a different thing for a while, largely because of what he was doing while he wasn't swinging the sticks.

Welcome back. Consider this my Act of Contrition.