Jared's Magnificent Pants

Amounts of things that can fit in Jared's Pants:

Presidential candidates: 2

M&M's: 2,675,346

Baseballs: 965

Meatballs: 1834

Dr. Pepper: 53 gallons

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale...

Dawn Wells, Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island, was busted in Idaho for having some pot in her car the other day. Interestingly, Bob Denver was also popped for the hippie lettuce not long before he began his dirt nap. I'm sure Jim Backus may have enjoyed a nice fattie to get motivation to spoon Lovey. People involved with Gilligan's Island? Stoned? Now I know why they couldn't get off the island. They'd start off with a plan, toot some bud, then they forget what the hell they were doing. Skipper chases Gilligan, gets tangled up in the hammock and everyone eats coconut cookies. Mary Ann rides that bike that ran the radio and they have a grand old time, and the guest star leaves the island while the unfortunate seven are in their reefer-induced haze.

Could she look any sweeter in her mugshot? I'm surprised they didn't just let her go. She truly looks like a very nice lady. She would have to be; imagine all the jerks who must have made lewd remarks about what they would have done with her if they were on that island.

Spitzer's Career Is Down the Shitzer?

What's going on with Spitzer? I know he made some rich Republican enemies in the Stock Market, and maybe, just maybe there's a setup in there, but couldn't he have kept little Eliot in his Dockers while he was Guv of the Great Empire State? I know it gets cold in Albany, and from the looks of his wife she probably didn't keep him very toasty, but couldn't he have just used Government hookers? Truthfully, I had no idea who the Governor of the "I-Got-Your-State-Right-Here State" even was until this. And I can't help but wonder if he gave Chanel, Cinnamon or Chocolate (if he swings that way) a "Spitzer Spritzer," if you know what I mean!

Once you look past the bullet holes, malocclusions and cellulite it's all the same in the dark, especially on a cold Albany night. Now his political career is totally boned. And since he was a past atty general, he's hoisted on his own petard. I just hope his petard had a condom on it.

On a side note, he looks an awful lot like Bill Cowher, eh? At least like his hooker-chasing, good-tipping brother.

On the Bright Side, Some More Art

Here is another recent painting. I am not responsible for any convulsions or seizures it may cause.

Cheers,
T.

The Bitch Is Back

Hi All,

It has been forever since I have updated this thing. My apologies... I will try to update more often. That said, I have time to post now, as I am currently "between jobs." A sucky place to be, it's true, especially with 4 kids. But I am freelancing and am confident that something good will happen.

Thank God we, according to our President, are not in a recession. Maybe I can get a job designing rose-colored glasses.

And maybe someone can tell me why, when companies lay people off, they get rid of the ones that are actually doing work and keep the seatwarmers whose basic function seems to be to kiss the boss' ass and are about as smart as your average pull toy?

I mean that in a good way....

On the bright side I have FINALLY updated my website, www.deluzart.com. Check it out if you're really bored for some mediocre art.

Cheers,

T.

You mean I'm supposed to post to this thing all the time?

Sorry for not posting for 5 MONTHS!!!! I really don't have a good reason for my non-blogging, other than I haven't had anything clever to say. But 5 months!!! That's pretty much abandonment. I promise to add to this beloved blog more often and invite any of you in the community we call the Internet to chime in.

It's been unbelievably hot here in Arizona. Not just a little hot. But just straight-up freaking HOT!!! It was 115 degrees in the Valley most of the week, about 10-12 degrees cooler in Sedona. You know it's hot when the Border Patrol agents are chasing illegal aliens, and they're both walking!

Well, cool off with this cool piece of art, one of my latest paintings.

Until next time, good night and good news.

Tom Brady: Theater lover, shoe fanatic? Or, the reason the Patriots lost to the Colts

This just in from my good friend Michael D. in Philly:

"Saturday night we took my Mom out on the town in Manhattan. Limo, swanky dinner, "The Producers" Broadway show, and late night singing show tunes at a Marie's Crisis Cafe in Greenwich Village (I kid you not, your should have seen Jay belting out "Oklahoma" and ""Edelweiss"). Three cheers for Collette, you only turn 80 once. She was still partying at 2:30 a.m. Sunday.

Little Mike and I were chatting up Clare Danes at the bar about her triumphant turn in Terminator 3. "Clare, you are aging well, these are my very annoying brothers." "So lame," she agreed "let me buy you a drink."

Meanwhile, Paul was chatting up a gay couple who had taken in Mary Poppins that evening on Broadway. As Paul droned on about the quality of the singing, the man detected a slight Boston accent. "You're from Boston, you know Tom Brady was sitting next to us at Mary Poppins... and he spent the entire time passionately kissing a woman." "That bastard," said Paul, "he blew the Indy game because he had booked Poppins tickets with the hot supermodel." "I don't know about that," Paul's new friend said, "but he had really nice shoes."'

Mike, please send more stuff. Don't start your own blog or anything. Oh yeah, and Happy Birthday Collette! I hear 80 is the new 39. Any truth to that?