Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Oh, and Illegals are the Biggest Problem Facing the Country

This sent by my good friend and fraternity brother Erich Coelho of Merced, California (do you still live in Merced, Erich?).

I couldn't agree more!

TO BE A REPUBLICAN, YOU NEED TO BELIEVE:

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Viet Nam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for y our recovery.

15. Supporting "Executive Privilege" for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity).

16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80's is irrelevant.

17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

Urban Sculpture or Blight? You Decide...


http://www.thenoiseboard.com/index.php?showtopic=184786

This article was sent to me by my good friend Michael Earls, of the illustrious Earls brothers of Murdock St. in Brighton, MA, formerly also of the Boston band scene. Most anyone who knows me knows my soft spot for old signage and business graphics. My paintings on deluzart.com depict many of these bygone and soon-to-be bygone icons of a different era.

Sometimes things just have to go. But I think a lot of these signs are works of art of the type we won't soon see again. Besides being neighborhood landmarks they certainly qualify as public art. In fact they're more interesting than most of the crap that gets funded as public art. That Dunkin' Donuts sign was freaking awesome. It reminds me of the one they used to have by Blue Hill Ave. and Talbot St. from my childhood. I remember getting a dozen donuts for a dollar (that's how old I am!) and walking them up to Vesta Road where I lived.

And I think they need to stay in their place, not moved to some senseless, disjointed exercise in lameness like Neonopolis in Las Vegas. To me, seeing those old bygone signs for casinos and motels past displayed like heads on pikes on the edges of some conquered village is shameful.

Start the crusade for old signage as street sculpture! Don't turn our urban landscape into a bland puddle of corporate sameness.

Paid for by the Tony De Luz for Art Lobbyist Organization.

Friday, April 25, 2008

What'choo Talkin' About, Shannon?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080425/ap_on_en_tv/people_gary_coleman

I never saw this coming...

I feel bad for Gary Coleman. He's like one of those Shetland ponies you see at kids' parties, the ones that inevitably bite some kid the first chance they get.

To quote Buzz Lightyear, "you are a sad, strange little man... and you have my pity."

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Who Doesn't Like A Fast Woman?


Danica Patrick just won her first race, hopefully her first of many. Congratulations Danica. You're an inspiration to that pushy woman driver that tailgates my ass going 85 mph on I-17 every time I drive that road.

Besides, could Helio Castroneves pull off this outfit? I don't think so.

White Men Can't Jump; Wesley Can't Pay Taxes


I doubt there are many who don't agree that taxes suck. And if it takes them a long time to send you your refund, shouldn't they pay penalties on it to you? Just kidding, government... you and I have always been pals, right?
Wesley, I don't know if you're out there, but, dude, pay your taxes. 3 years on the Stony Lonesome probably wasn't worth it. Besides, the world needs Demolition Man 2.

Friday, April 18, 2008

What Would Wilson Do?

All I have to say about this FLDS/Polygamy thing is, if they were black or Hispanic, the authorities would have gone Wilson Goode on their asses. Goode, you may remember, showed some bad judgement in 1985 in his handling of the MOVE cult. He gave the order to blast them into the Stone Age. The initial opinion toward his handling of the situation was very positive, quite different from David Koresh or the folks at Ruby Ridge or any of the other anti-government organizations. Later on it was suggested by some parties (most notably his Republican opponents) that maybe he should have handled it in a slightly less explosiony manner. I'm sure they would have had sit-ins, baked cookies and reasoned with John Africa, maybe gently persuading him that shouting depredations from megaphones and not allowing your trash to be picked up might be considered a tad unpopular. They would have all been singing kum-ba-yah and holding hands around a campfire. Probably not.

I think these plural wife-having zealots secretly had the envy of many of the authority figures,
who wish they could figure out how to keep all the gals for themselves, no matter how fat and bald they are, protecting those good white women from defilement in the real world. They probably wanted to just leave them alone, until the world stood up and took notice.

Personally, I don't see how they can do it. I have one wife, and sometimes that is too many!

Oh and that guy who keeps putting the anti-immigrant slander on his signs at the Casa D'Ick or whatever it's called es una pendejo grande.

Honey, Throw a Few More Twenties on the Fire

So John McCain's taxable income, over the last two years, was disclosed to be $474,104.

The Democratic candidates, Barack Obama (along with his wife Michelle, $5.1 million) and Hillary Clinton (along with Bill, $35 million) also reported theirs. How do John and Cindy squeak by on his paltry earnings? Well, he also gets his Navy pension, which is untaxable (another $114,000). And John also collects Social Security (he is old enough, and it enables him to have a little pin money).

Cindy happens to make so much money that she could probably tell the Treasury what presidents to put on it. She pretty much has the beer distribution market sewn up in a state full of thirsty, golf-playing white guys with nice beer bellies, and where beer and alcohol consumption rank right up there with cleaning and owning guns as entitlements of the conservative class. She owns real estate and part of the Diamondbacks baseball team. Real estate is a little soft right now, so she may be hurting for bucks just a bit.

I hope the McCains can manage to squeak by. But Cindy should go ahead and release the info. Those smug, well-fed know-it-alls of the conservative media made Theresa Kerry release her info (before those swift boat rummies made up all that crap about John) ; it's only fair that Mrs. M does the same. I'm guessing there isn't enough room for all the zeroes on the conventional tax forms.

Certainly John has worked hard for his money and suffered for his Navy pension. But maybe he ought to kick the Social Security money back into the system his party soulmate, Dubya, has bumblasted for the last nearly eight years.

It borders on the nearly hysterical that McCain claims to be more in touch with the common people than the Democratic candidates. If he is, then God help us all.

Friday, April 11, 2008

The Dick Cheney Sunglasses Mystery

Apparently there was a big hoo-ha about a reflection in Dick Cheney's sunglasses in a photo that was used on the Vice President's website, which I believe is called screwthemiddleclass.com. There was a lot of speculation over what was reflected. It looked like a naked lady, but I don't know if Republicans look at naked ladies ever. I thought it might have been a waterboarding victim. It turns out Ol' Deadeye Dick had his rod in his hands. Get your mind out of the gutter, Larry Craig - it was his fishing pole.

But I'd like to think he had something else reflected in those shades - that conservative cujo, Ann Coulter. I guess that would explain the rod in his hands... I guess...

Monday, April 7, 2008

High School Reunions and the People Who Love Them

My 30th High School Reunion (Boston Latin School) is coming up. Don't know if I'll be going; I'd love to go back again, while I'm still reasonably young and good looking. Sorry ladies, I'm taken.

Friday, April 4, 2008

New Kids on the Block - Back Together, But Were They Ever Really Apart?


Well, now this whole recycling thing has gone too far...

Admit it, we were all hoping for this, secretly.

I haven't been following this story too closely, but will they change their name to suit their state of maturity?

I have a few suggestions...

Old Kids With Their Blinkers On

New Guys in the Buffet Line

New Kids with Backaches

Balding Kids on the Park Bench

Old Men on the Blood Thinners

Wouldn't you rather New Edition came back? Now that would be cool...

Of course, the real question is... will they bring the old hair? And by the way, I think Donnie is the Bad one, who just needs a little love. Maybe he'll get some if he takes that beaver off his head.