What did I miss?

Dear Blog Is Not A Pretty Word Subscribers-

It has been a year and 5 months since my last "confession." I can't believe I haven't been moved to write about anything in that amount of time. To that end I'm freeing my blog from the glacier it's been in.

Hey Blog- first of all, a lot has gone down since you went into the witless protection program. We've elected our first African-American President. Childhood was celebrated with freak shows like Jon and Kate plus 8 and the Octomom. I would explain what those terms mean but at this point, who the Hell cares? Are you sitting down? Remember the Arizona Cardinals? They are the reigning NFC Champs, who came within 2:35 of winning the Super Bowl. That's right, the same Arizona Cardinals who always sucked so mightily all those years. Oh, and the Detroit Lions have won a couple games since you went underground. You missed their epic 0-16 season. Never before has losing been done so artfully.

Remember how tough it was to find Michael Jackson tickets? Well, as of June 25 this year, his tickets became impossible to get. He and his end-stage nose have joined the Heavenly Choir. But don't worry, you can keep up on what Tito, Marlon and Rebbie are doing by watching the Jacksons reality show on A & E. Not quite the same as the guy who gave 1500 Filipino prisoners something fun to do in the exercise yard.

You'll be glad I talked you out of investing the family hundreds with that nice Mr. Madoff. As it turns out, he's one of the Five People You'll Meet in Hell.

And speaking of screwing people, I know how you have enjoyed watching Tiger Woods demolish the competition. Well, he's doing a different thing for a while, largely because of what he was doing while he wasn't swinging the sticks.

Welcome back. Consider this my Act of Contrition.

Honey, Throw a Few More Twenties on the Fire

So John McCain's taxable income, over the last two years, was disclosed to be $474,104.

The Democratic candidates, Barack Obama (along with his wife Michelle, $5.1 million) and Hillary Clinton (along with Bill, $35 million) also reported theirs. How do John and Cindy squeak by on his paltry earnings? Well, he also gets his Navy pension, which is untaxable (another $114,000). And John also collects Social Security (he is old enough, and it enables him to have a little pin money).

Cindy happens to make so much money that she could probably tell the Treasury what presidents to put on it. She pretty much has the beer distribution market sewn up in a state full of thirsty, golf-playing white guys with nice beer bellies, and where beer and alcohol consumption rank right up there with cleaning and owning guns as entitlements of the conservative class. She owns real estate and part of the Diamondbacks baseball team. Real estate is a little soft right now, so she may be hurting for bucks just a bit.

I hope the McCains can manage to squeak by. But Cindy should go ahead and release the info. Those smug, well-fed know-it-alls of the conservative media made Theresa Kerry release her info (before those swift boat rummies made up all that crap about John) ; it's only fair that Mrs. M does the same. I'm guessing there isn't enough room for all the zeroes on the conventional tax forms.

Certainly John has worked hard for his money and suffered for his Navy pension. But maybe he ought to kick the Social Security money back into the system his party soulmate, Dubya, has bumblasted for the last nearly eight years.

It borders on the nearly hysterical that McCain claims to be more in touch with the common people than the Democratic candidates. If he is, then God help us all.