Did Bobby Jindal Make the Smores?

This Memorial Day weekend, John McCain invited a bunch of his Republican bootlickers to his "Ranch in Sedona" (actually his pretend ranch in Cornville, but that doesn't sound as sexy or rich as Sedona). One can only wonder how much fun he and the girls had, braiding each other's hair, watching music videos, painting each other's nails. Do you think Mitt Romney regaled them with a version of "Freddy My Love" from "Grease?"

Meg Whitman, the eBay hosebag, was one of the guests. One can only wonder, did she do like a proper Republican woman and stay in the kitchen, out of McCain's man-cave? Actually she's a Vice Presidential possible. It all makes sense. My wife is a big fan of "Ellen." When Ellen DeGeneres had McCain on her show, he mentioned (with a straight face) how eBay is an example of a successful company, how people are making millions with it. Now I don't know about you, but I don't want a President who is going to tell me things my email junk filter won't even let me read! And did Bobby Jindal start hitting on her once he got the beer goggles on?

I can't wait for the feces to finally hit the rotary cooling device with this guy... from his doddering appearance on Saturday Night Live (is there a more tired show than SNL? An appearance on that means absolutely nothing anymore. Hell, half of New York has been in the cast!) to his shady land deals, a McCain Presidency would be a disaster... we'd be longing for the good old days when Dubya would mangle the Constitution and the act of public speaking at the same time. Much like the people of Iraq longing for the good old days when Saddam would hook their genitals up to a car battery and they'd all have a good laugh afterwards.

Mazeltov, you crazy kids!

So our eedjit President got Jenna married off this weekend. Congratulations. Perhaps I should get her and her hubby Henry (I wonder what his rich preppy nickname is. Biff? tad? Skip?) a gift. Maybe I should get it with the proceeds of my Economic Stimulus check, when it comes. Maybe a blender? Oven mitts? A Chia-Head? A membership in the cheese-of-the-month club? Buying a gift seems so tacky. Besides, spending foolishly like that, that is just what Daddy Dubya WANTS me to do. Nope. I'm gonna use that check to pay off bills (the other gift from G-Dub, the one that keeps on giving). Sorry, economy. I just don't feel like stimulating you today. You're going to have to reach into that drawer by the nightstand and stimulate yourself tonight.

Maybe I'll make her a nice picture. Maybe it will be a painting of me being told that I no longer have a job. Perhaps a lovely drawing of a home with some lovely trees and for sale signs. Maybe a lovely gas station painting, with $4.00 gas signs (another gift of our wonderful President! That is one generous guy!).

Screw it. I will just re-gift her.

The Dick Cheney Sunglasses Mystery

Apparently there was a big hoo-ha about a reflection in Dick Cheney's sunglasses in a photo that was used on the Vice President's website, which I believe is called screwthemiddleclass.com. There was a lot of speculation over what was reflected. It looked like a naked lady, but I don't know if Republicans look at naked ladies ever. I thought it might have been a waterboarding victim. It turns out Ol' Deadeye Dick had his rod in his hands. Get your mind out of the gutter, Larry Craig - it was his fishing pole.

But I'd like to think he had something else reflected in those shades - that conservative cujo, Ann Coulter. I guess that would explain the rod in his hands... I guess...